The Most Important Moment of Your Life Is When You Close Your Eyes For The Last Time

End Of Life Issues
As Bob Dylan said, "he who is not busy being born is busy dying." And that process of dying culminates in the final closing of our eyes. As death approaches psychological comfort depends on many things. The fear of death? (yes, but much more rarely than most would imagine), regrets, unfinished mourning, and others concerns most often define the mindscape. The primary tasks of late life therapy are to help a person complete a life review and help them prepare for their own death.

A peaceful passing is more likely the less "unfinished business" one has. By definition this requires working through the things that are unresolved as death approaches; whether one is 88 or 28. Many people I have worked with in the period of their decline have had apologies to make that they have resisted extending throughout their lifetime, or forgiveness to grant, sometimes something to get off their chest before they go, or perhaps feeling a heightened sense of spirituality that desperately presses for discussion around loved ones who may just want to deny the dying happening in the bed. And some find a need to re-examine things in their lives that they never completely processed.

Often in this phase the task is simply getting the family to allow the dying person to speak of death and dying. Sometimes it is a time for family therapy.

I find this period of transition to be so meaningful that I feel it an honor to help. I do this work pro bono. Depending on certain variables I do up to 20 hrs. a week pro bono for hospice care (through Vitas Innovative Hospice Care) or with individuals outside of hospice in the end of life phase.

Bereavement
As an extension of the same work I provide limited pro bono work for the survivors of those with whom I have worked. These pro bono services are mostly provided through my volunteer hospice work or in select cases through general referral sources.

Bereavement is a challenging time for people. Many question if they did enough, or whether they did the right thing putting their loved one in hospice. Some who have functioned as primary care givers feel guilty because they are relieved their love one is gone. Or perhaps events occurred during care giving that brought up difficult feelings.

Moreover, besides care giving concerns; many bereaved now experience an emptiness after years of arduous care giving. Many have been so pulled out of their own lives they know not what to do for their own future. Some find themselves years unemployed, out of money, exhausted and overwhelmed with sorrow with no idea what to do for a future.

Clarity and a person to whom they can talk go a long way. Surprisingly many Los Angeles psychologists find this work too depressing - I find it inspiring.